Yesterday afternoon in between business calls, I found myself following road signs leading to a real estate property. I pulled over with two intentions in mind. One, to look for prospects for housing loans or a possible tie-up with the developer. And two - to check out their model units, out of curiosity. 

Posing as an interested buyer on a house tripping, an agent assisted me and toured me around. He showed two model units - a two bedroom condo type and another two bedroom with two toilet and bath property. All strategically designed with lavish furniture and decors to camouflage the cramped 40-62 sqm. living space.

The agent spent nearly an hour and a half explaining the features and amenities of the property, payment schemes and all other options that he felt would suit my needs. Yeah right. As if.

And last night I lay awake thinking about the place. A two bedroom condo unit...hmmm. Right in the heart of Quezon City.....5 minutes to and from work, 15 minutes to the mall(s)....hmmm. A place truly my own... a land title bearing my own name.....a sense of ownership at last.....hmmmm again!

But then, reality sets in. A whopping mid 7 figure price for a parcel of land in the metropolis. And an additional 500 thousand for a parking space. It's just waaaay out of my league.

Sigh.

Oh well, maybe next time.

I'm in limbo.

I have to make choices. Between my newly found comfort zone and an opportunity that denotes a major change.

I am torn between sentiment and reason. Over emotional attachment and embracing change (again). And to make matters worse, I am pressed for time. I feel like a weekend isn't enough to think things over, to weigh and list down the pros and cons of each option. Now I don't get to enjoy the long weekend ahead.

I'm so freakin' confused, anxious, apprehensive, scared....name it, I have it!

Sigh. If only making decisions are as easy as flipping and tossing a coin.

Spent some kinda different weekend last Saturday.

A friend's daughter decided that instead of celebrating her debut with a lavish party she opted to share her blessings with the less fortunate.  So off we went to the Golden Acres Home for the Aged in Quezon City early Saturday morning.

So we entered the St. Anne cottage, a shelter to 22 grannies aged from 60 to 92. A rather sinking feeling  took over my chest the moment I saw the 22 beaming senior citizens housed in that concrete tenement. The look on their faces when they realized they have visitors with goodies was priceless.

22 beds for 22 grannies, each with a small side table on their bedside to keep their stuff. A dwelling they call home, complete with the basic amenities – a relatively spacious toilet and bath, a kitchen complete with a gas stove, refrigerator and a dining table. Plus a TV set placed across the room for entertainment.

The shelter is fairly comfortable and decent place to live in. A volunteer worker takes care of them round the clock. And I thought, if my taxes would only go to places such as these, I wouldn't mind the forced, hefty deduction every payday.

On my way home I came to realize how life is such an irony. While I rant about things I cannot have, how I wish for things that I thought could make my life easier, here's truth staring right at my face.

Elders abandoned by their own children, dwelling in a place with people they hardly knew, at the mercy of some stranger who takes care of them….waiting for their time to die….alone.

Indeed, how sharper than a serpent's tooth than to have a thankless child.

Flickering, shimmering and all the glimmer.

Standing tall against the midnight summer

While all ye folks are tucked in bed, deep in slumber

It's all aglow, radiating a wondrous sparkle

When sunset comes and darkness creeps in

Night owls start partying, singing and dancing

And while a-frenzy with all the merry making

It's all aglow, relentlessly and silently guarding

It gives light, to all passerby

It watches over to those who are weary,

And to him who fears that he has gone astray

It bestows brightness that helps him find his way

Let it be said that I am to pass by just this once

Or I may never come to pass by twice

But behold the beauty and the gift of light

That I shall forever keep in mind

These streetlights that kept me company

One forlorn night.

It has always been difficult to console somebody who just lost a loved one. No amount of words can ever comfort a grieving person. And I always find it awkward to call the person in grief the moment you find out that her dad is gone. I'm such in a lost for a word that I can only come up with the dumbest question of all "are you ok?" which in fact is obvious that she isn't.

These are moments that you can't find any appropriate word to express sympathy. When I can't even speak the more simple word "condolence".  When you wanted to make the person feel that you are with them in times of bereavement, but still, words could not come out.

Two days ago, one of my dearest friends lost her dad, then a day after, my cousin followed suit, and just this morning, a fellow officer died of liver cancer.

Sigh. It's been one heavy week to start with.

My cousin’s been in critical condition for more than two weeks now. He’s diagnosed with cancer of the bladder and the doctor didn’t give any hope to the family. No operations whatsoever can help him.

For more than two weeks he is depending on life support system. If not for the respirator and some machines that are connected to his body, he’d probably be at peace by now. On two occasions, Mom and Dad rushed to the hospital in the wee hours of the morning upon receiving text messages that he’ll be going anytime soon, and twice did they come home annoyed with the family’s disposition about his condition.

Despite the doctor’s advice that they could bring him home and wait for his time at home, despite the obvious fact that he is clinically dead, despite the hospital bills and their financial limitations, they are adamant.

My sister and I are emotionally detached to my cousin. If not for our blood relation, my cousin to me is just a plain guy whom I greet with a simple hi and hello on family gatherings. We are neither close nor distant. Just like tepid waters, neither hot nor cold. We are simply sons and daughters of siblings.

I tried putting myself in their shoes, save a loved one from his deathbed, exhausting all efforts to extend his life. But then again, this emotional detachment prevailed. And considering emotional, physical and financial exhaustion on both the patient and the family, I perfectly understand why my mom is vexed at the family’s stand.

Now tell me, am I being callous? Apathetic? Maybe I am, because I’m thinking of the same thing….

For heaven’s sake, pull the plug.

September is International Coastal Clean Up month.

Every year scuba divers from all over the country participate in this clean up drive. And every year, divers haul over heaps of rubbish underneath the ocean. Non biodegradable trash such as plastic bottles, plastic bags, rubber shoes and slippers and even sanitary napkins and baby diapers!!!

So just imagine the amount of garbage that is mounting up on our coral reefs everyday, every year. These countless waste damage and hinder the growth of our reefs, which by the way,  grow at an average rate of .88 to about 80 millimeters per year. So it takes about hundreds of years before a fully matured coral reef is formed. Only to be abused by mindless people who indiscriminately throw waste anywhere they please.  

As they say….take only pictures and leave nothing but footprints. In diving they say, take only pictures and leave nothing but bubbles.

Let's all do our part for mother earth before it's way too late.

It's just too bad I wasn't able to join this year's event.